Lacking Intimacy in Your Marriage?
A lack of intimacy in marriage has dire consequences for the couple involved as there are a range of serious issues that can result from a sexless relationship. Not every marriage suffers form all of these symptoms, but they should always be considered if you find yourself in such a situation. By knowing these consequences you are also armed with much more information to aid you in finding out how to overcome a sexless relationship as well!
Low Self Esteem -
Being rejected by the one you thought was your lover over and over again
has a massive impact on how we see ourselves. Partners of sexless spouses
often find their self esteem at rock bottom level and blame themselves for
this situation which can lead to lack of success in all areas of life.- Depression - Even further than having low self esteem, some people can become very depressed with this state of things and feel isolated and unloved by their partner’s lack of sexual attraction. Sometimes the sexless partner might be depressed, but sometimes they seem fine except for their lack of sex drive. Depression can be a very dangerous thing and further strains a relationship and your life in general.
- Anger Issues - Some people go in the other direction when faced with a sexless marriage and feel angry at the rejection. This might become outbursts of anger, or a seething bubbling rage beneath the surface. It leads to more arguments and even less communication than before. This anger will seep into your everyday life as well and could cost you friends and your career.
- Anxiety - being anxious and nervous about your relationship, your role in this marriage, your place as a man or woman. All of these things can happen to someone living in a sexless marriage that is unsure of what the hell is going on!
- Divorce - The very end result of many sexless marriages. Sex is not everything in a relationship, but without it all the good intentions and good will and even love will not hold together unless both people are content with no sex. It is the glue that holds a marriage together and without it, separation is very likely and you will be fighting to save your marriage from divorce.
So with these dire consequences in mind, just what can you do about bringing more intimacy and physical love back into a struggling marriage? Just what can you do differently that you have not tried before? What does it take to make someone’s libido rise to levels that are more acceptable to your own? Firstly let’s take a look at what sexless marriage tips you should avoid...
Do NOT Try To Coerce
Them - Never force the issue and certainly never use any physical
force. Do not yell and scream; do not try to manipulate them emotionally
or in any other way. Forcing someone to do something they are not yet comfortable
with is not going to bring you any happiness or intimacy. Intimacy is
about them willingly showing you the love, respect, and desire that you
want. Any coerced sex will not fulfil you.- Do NOT Blame Them - As tempting as it might seem do not fall into the trap of resenting your spouse for their sexless position. Do not blame them internally, or express this externally. The more resentment both of your harbour towards each other the more distance you put between yourself and intimacy. You need to develop empathy with your spouse to really uncover the reasons for this lack of intimacy in your marriage.
- Do NOT Blame Yourself - On the other end is putting this blame on yourself. Some people feel it must be their fault that their partner is not interested in sex and physical intimacy but this is a bad place to be - and it is not true! While both people in a marriage need to change to be more intimate. This is not your fault, and it not theirs - it is a breakdown of communication more than anything.
- Do NOT Think Short Term - A change of heart, a nice dinner out, a box of chocolates, an un-asked for massage. These things will not get the intimacy flowing right away. Many people go on a campaign of trying to get their partner in the mood for a few days or a week, and then find very little has changed. This usually leads to resentment and sullenness or an argument. Fixing a lack of intimacy e is not a ploy to get sex; it is a change of how your relationship works!
OK, so now we know a few things to watch out for, what is it we SHOULD be doing to invigorate more intimacy in marriage? How can you lead a relationship back down the path of great sex, love and intimacy taking all these things into account?
Proper Communication
- You need to learn tom communicate
properly. This is not about just talking; it is about HOW you talk,
HOW you interact, and HOW you listen. This is about understanding and
finding the real needs, problems and worries in a relationship by getting
underneath the surface communication and going deeper.- Plan Long Term - As has been said, this is not a short term project. You need to realise it takes time to get rid of that chill in your marital bedroom. It is a reformation of an entire relationship and how you behave together. Large changes like this take time, and stumble sometimes along the way. There is no short term fix that will bring long term intimacy so plan the long term change and happiness into the future rather then short term rewards that might sour it.
- Look To Yourself - You cannot MAKE someone change, change comes from influence and the only way you can truly influence someone is through how you act and behave every second of every day. You must look to every aspect of who you are in your relationship before you can work to influence your partner to more intimacy.
There is a lot in those three broad statements. To find out more about this you should look into a complete guide that tell you exactly how you can achieve these things to bring back love, sex, and intimacy into a marriage through the link below:
